Rosa Parks Didn’t Call Shotgun.

I’M ON!!!!!

Fuck yes.

I have a magical secretive way of getting on here.

Yes, I’m cool.

So hopefully, more blogging from now on.

(Yes, I know this post is pointless but I felt like I’d forgotten my little bloggy blog [Damn you WordPress] so I felt like posting something was better than nothing at all.)

Right, I’m off to work on my top-secret plan with a couple of cooooool kids.

Later kids.

xoxo

It’s Like A Date Rape Ad.

Y’know, sometimes I wonder what life’d be like if SophoSuave; was actually suave and sopisticated, not the clumsy, accident-prone, awkward girl I actually am.

If I didn't accidentally blow up microwaves.
If I'd never dropped my phone in the toilet or multiple fish bowls.
If I didn't hoover up PJ's and fill the room with smoke and the
smell of burning rubber.
If I wasn't the kind of person who always fell up and down the
stairs.
If I didn't pull down shower curtains in hotel rooms, ending up
in a waterproof toga.
If I wasn't constantly covered in bruises, cuts and scratches.

 And I guess, yes, it’d be nice to not break things and cause trouble wherever I go.

But wouldn’t life be boring.

Peace out.
xoxo

I Want You Like Anne Frank Wanted Nobody To Read Her Fucking Diary.

After my trip to New York I realized that that was exactly where I wanted to live when I’m older.

 

In some Sex And The City type apartment (with the same sized wardrobe).
And I can go for walks in the most beautiful place in the world, Central Park, when it’s sunny.
And I can spend every day just loving the feeling of being one single, unimportant person in a crowd.

However, I’d quite like a little holiday home by the sea as well.

Somewhere sunny and foreign.

Somewhere cold and windy and rainy.
And completely English.
Where Seagulls wake you up at half five every morning.
Where you go for a walk along the beach in jumpers not bikinis.
Where the smell of salt and seaweed is so overpowering you almost
feel ill.

That’s where you’ll find me in summer in the years to come.
I’ll be spending the rest of my year travelling and seeing beautiful new places.
So when everyone else is having a week off to go and lay in the sun in the Maldives, I’ll be coming home for some Fish and Chips and a nice cup of tea.

Peace out.
xoxo

She Drove Me Wild With Those Dentures Out.

I have been inspired by thekingdomofmatt.blogspot.com (Go read it NOW!) and thus am writing my own list of 101 things about me.

 Enjoy kids.

1. I share my birthday with my sister.
2. Despite almost being 18 I’ve still not had a single driving lesson.
3. I put my make-up on in the complete back to front order of how you’re meant to, ie. Foundation last.
4. The number 4 is my lucky number.
5. I don’t ever want to get married.
6. I’d like to live in New York city when I’m older.
7. I like to buy bags and decorate them myself.
8. I laugh at the word ‘boob’ every time.
9. I’m addicted to Instant Noodles.
10. I never make good first impressions.
11. I am afraid of calling people.
12. And bare feet.
13. And manikins.
14. And kaleidoscopes.
15. I have only ever cried over a boy once.
16. In many respects, I’m a heartless bitch.
17. I like to blog but rarely get to and so am forced to do it from my phone.
18. I love bright colours.
19. I recently realized that I’m more than happy to make a complete arse out of myself if it makes somebody smile.
20. I’d like to study French at University please.
21. Iced Tea is my favourite drink ever.
22. Of all brands of said drink, Nestea is by far the nicest.
23. Once I tried to make my own Ice Tea. It was vile.
24. I like to talk to my mum in a Borat voice, mainly because she doesn’t know why I do it.
25. I’m actually quite good at doing different accents. It seems to come naturally.
26. I just forgot what number I was on.
27. I have a very bad memory for things that happened five minutes ago, but remember holidays in perfect detail.
28. My and my boyfriend hated each other for 2 years before we got together.
29. I’m on the missing persons register.
30. I also have my own Police Incident Number.
31. 1st August 2008 was possibly the worst night of my life, though at the time I didn’t think so.
32. I eat more than the average female.
33. I’ve also been told I have a tendency to talk very quickly.
34. When I have Cherryade, Banana milk or coffee I sometimes get a bit ‘hyper’
35. I have referring to it as ‘hyper’ because I sound like I’m trying to look cool.
36. For the record, I’m about as un-cool as you can be.
37. I recently read the last Harry Potter in less than a day.
38. Draco Malfoy is my favourite HP character.
39. My Nike Dunks are the most beautiful shoes in the world.
40. I’m very self-conscious about the way I look.
41. I’m always comparing myself to other girls.
42. However, I never get jealous of other girls when it comes to my boyfriend, which I find odd.
43. I watch far too many talk-shows.
44. I refuse to use anything that doesn’t state that it wasn’t tested on animals.
45. Apart from myself, there is only one person in this world that I tell absolutely everything.
46. I like to wear dresses more than anything else.
47. Yet this time last year I refused point-blank to wear them.
48. I have three bracelets that I never take off.
49. I think Michael McIntyre, Bo Burnham, Tim Minchin and Russell Howard are some of the funniest men alive.
50. I am completely repulsed by stickers and the word ‘scab’.
51. I can only get channel 1 on the TV in my room.
52. My favourite colour is purple.
53. I’m about as argumentative as you can get, and I like to as least pretend that I’m always right.
54. I have slight OCD when it comes to how my clothes are hung, they must be equally spaced and in order (shirts, shirt dress, dresses, skirts.)
55. The same applies for plug sockets, I always check they they’re all turned off when not in use or it annoys me.
56. The same applies for hoods. If it’s inside-out I have to sort it. Even if I don’t know the person wearing it.
57. The body part I hate the most would be my feet.
58. Incidentally, my feet are larger than average for a girl, and I would do anything to change that.
59. I’m very open-minded when it comes to things like homosexuality.
58. But when it comes to things like Animal Testing I’m very much opinionated.
59. I can be a very, very stubborn person when I want.
60. I totally agree with being vegetarian, but could NEVER manage it myself.
61. My all-time favourite band are The Police.
62. However, my current favourite band are Little Comets.
63. I’m at my very happiest when I’m all cuddled up with Tom, my boyfriend.
64. I have a tendency to burst into song randomly.
65. Often I will sing hymns from my primary school.
66. I never questioned the idea that I would stay on for sixth-form and the go to Uni. Maybe I should have, I don’t know.
67. I would happily give up most things to see my grandma and granddad again.
68. Death scares me more than anything.
69. It’s not that fact that I’ll be dead exactly, but the things I’ll miss out on.
70. I have a very dirty mind, and can make anything sound sex-related.
71. I struggle stopping myself from saying things as soon as the pop into my mind.
72. I tend to find myself talking out-loud when I’m alone.
73. I laugh at pretty much everything.
74. However, I have never in my life laughed at anything Al Murray has to say.
75. Robin Hood, Desperate Housewives, The Apprentice, Eastenders and The Jeremy Kyle Show are 5 of my most favourite programmes ever.
76. Fish that I own have a tendency to hate me and die. The worst of which did so only 2 hours after becoming mine, though was perfectly well before this.
77. I left said fish, in an empty weighing scale on the desk of a maths teacher I’d never had.
78. I’m probably too sarcastic.
79. I like to spell things properly, and to punctuate (though I do not always do that correctly).
80. At school, I refuse to write anything down until the teacher gives me a title.
81. I Always Write My Titles Like This, With The First Letter Of Every Word A Very Big Capital Letter And The Other Letters Being Very Small.
82. I’ve had multiple people tell me I should be a stand-up when I’m older.
83. I would hate this however, as I’d much rather laugh at others and not be so harshy criticized.
84. Saying this, I’m highly critical myself.
85. I’ve recently started a book that I fill with photos, snippets of writing, tickets, quotations and such. This book is purely for my eyes. I like to refer to this as ‘paper blogging’.
86. I’m ginger, and have never once felt embarrassed or ashamed of this fact, despite the fact some people seem to think I should.
87. Mind you, due to my hair colour I have to wear mascara all the time or else I don’t look like I have any eyes at all.
88. I would like more than anything to be unusual, but remain exceptionally average.
89. I’m very much a procrastinator.
90. I’ve only just learnt that sometimes people do need and deserve second chances.
91. I have a charm bracelet that used to be my mothers. This is my favourite belonging in the world.
92. I never throw anything away. Apparenly this is a bad habit.
93. I’m always completely dsorganised, the point previous to this is probably partly to blame.
94. When on the motorway I always have the urge to open the car door.
95. I’m a mixture of both my parents, but would say I’m definitely more like my dad.
96. My favourite type of films are really gory horrors.
97. Back To The Future, however, will always be my film of choice, this being neither gory nor a horror.
98. I look-up to many different people, but not necessarily for the obvious reasons.
99. I have never wanted to be rich or famous, or anything like that. I just want to be happy.
100. I never try to win people over or make them like me, and in much the same way, I always act myself, right from the start. It is only in this respect that I wish people were more like me.
101. The fact that somebody, somewhere will read this, and may even smile, makes me a very happy child.

Peace out.
xoxo

A Shocked Sherlock “What Son?!”

TRUST

It’s a big word innit.

Not literally, I mean, heck 5 letters is hardly a lot.

But it’s frikkin’ important isn’t it. As far as I’m concerned it’s the single most important thing in any relationship.

Y’know, trusting you parents and family and friends and stuff is important. If you can’t trust your friends then the way I see it, they’re not really friends are they.

And as for boyfriends/girlfriends, of you can’t trust them not to cheat on you or to keep certain things private, then as far as I’m concerned there’s no way it’s going to work out is there.

But hey, what do I know?

I’m luckyyyyyy.

I have a family that I know will always be there for me, through thick and thin.
I have my gorgeous, funny, honest friends who are always there when I need someone to talk to.
And I have my lovely boyfriend, the only guy I want to be with, and who I know will always treat me properly.

I trust them.
And I love them.

Peace out kids.
xoxo

Pass The Cake.

Right, I was sat in the bath yesterday, when a thought suddenly popped into my head.

Why the hell is it socially unacceptable for women to be hairy but not men?

I mean, hair’s a very confusing thing in my opinion. If you have long hair then stereotypically you’re quite feminine (generally actually female), but lo and behold, should you have hairy legs then you’re officially classed as a guy.

Now, this isn't my way of saying "I have hairy legs and I'm proud."
On the contrary, I give in to what's expected and my legs are
always as hair-free as possible.

I just don’t understand why people (myself included) find hairy legs and armpits on a woman disgusting, but it’s completely expected on a guy.

And along with this, when did hairy women become so frowned upon by society? I’m pretty damn sure those Cavewomen wanted all the hair they could get…. Were the Egyptians hairy? What about those Roman women? Maybe the real reason Victorian women covered their legs was just to hide their stubble?

I for one, would like to know more about hairy women.

Peace out kids.

xoxo

Easy Bake Oven Was Just A Phase.

Euggghh.

Why didn't I learn to drive earlier?
Well, I know why.
I've never really had a need before.
People always still drove me places.
But now, my parents are making a stand... Dammit.

And since I need to get to see the boy as often as I can, and the buses cost shit loads and are awkward and inconvenient (i.e. I have to catch at least two to get where I want) I figure, maybe it’s car time.

But, I’m a bit scared….

I’m the kind of person that can’t walk without falling over or bumping into things.

( Currently 5 bruises on my shins alone)

So who in their right mind would really let me loose in a car for God’s sake?

And then there’s the money.

I’m broke as it is, I can’t afford to pay for all the lessons…

Double dammit.

Eugh.

Rant over.

Peace out kids.
xoxo

Without Rapists, Who’s Gonna Buy Your Whistles?

Helloooooorrrrrrr…..

The other night turned out to be more of a drunk hot tub night than a poker night if I’m honest.

Which was fine by me. (Y)

Ran 5K in a sumo suit for charity last night.

Looked a complete dick.

But I think that that proves that:

1. I'm a retard.
2. I'm not the type of person that really cares how they look.
3. I don't back down from challenges.
4. I'm more confident than I thought.
5. I'll do anything for a good cause.

So yeah, it felt good to actually be making a twat out of myself for a reason this time…

Anyway, time for toast.

Peace out kids.
xoxo

Half A Pound Of Turkey Breast, Half A Pound Of Chicken Tits…

Hey.

Was it just me that thought Sports Days had been made illegal or something?

If that’s so, why the fuck can I hear one out of my bedroom window?

 

Gonna get in the bath any minute.
It's running as I type.
Woke up this morning looking far too much like Amy Winehouse.
Never good really is it.

Pokerrrrr night tonight. (Y)


Except I'm shit at poker. 

Peace out kids.
xoxo

Here’s A Bit Of Irony, A Ford Focus Driver’s Got ADD.

Raaaaargh!!!

 

I meant to explain something earlier…

 

The headings of my posts are borrowed from Bo Burnham.

So all credit to him for being the funniest guy in the world.

Peace out kids.
xoxo